Pacifiers and High Standards

Please bear with me as I attempt to explain to how taking a baby's pacifier away is a metaphor for setting high standards for students and creating opportunities for growth.... (I know weird, but stick with me and I think you'll see!)

Pacifier = Normalcy Bias

Let's start with the pacifier and the reason for my lightbulb moment. Since September, I had a grand plan to take away my son's pacifier during nap and nighttime when he turned 18 months, which happened to be over Thanksgiving break. I convinced myself, based on prior experience and my subpar expectations, that it was a good thing that I had a full week because it would be a painful experience accompanied with lots of crying and sleepless nights for the entire family. With my oldest son, when we did "operation paci",  I made a HUGE deal out of it. I said things like, "I know this is going to be hard. I'm so sorry. Jackson needs to try to be a big boy and not cry" then made the poor child throw his own paci's into the trash. Obviously, he cried all night for a few nights straight. With Keller, while I still thought it would be awful, I took a different approach. I laid him to bed that Monday night during the break, did our nighttime routine, said night-night with a smile, gave him a kiss and walked out the room, acting like all was normal. "Oh man, this is going to be bad" I told myself and sat on the couch waiting for the crying. I waited.... and waited.... and waited... NO CRIES ALL NIGHT! And the nights after, when I finally realized, there would be no crying!

That is when I made the connection... While I was terrified on the inside, I acted like "operation paci" was no biggie and made him believe I thought he could do it. In fact, I just smiled and acted like throwing this challenge his way was an everyday affair. And by golly, he rose to my expectations! I can imagine his internal monologue that night, "Where is my paci? Hmmm, weird. Well, mommy doesn't seem worried, so I guess it's all good. I've got this!" Oh, the power of positive thinking and setting high expectations! Then think back to poor Jackson. I pretty much made the child feel like "operation paci" as going to be difficult, painful, and awful. So, that is what happened. 

Now, if you are reading this and are involved in teaching or rearing children in any way (whether you be a mother, father, grandfather, grandmother, aunt, uncle, teacher, school administrator, counselor, the list goes on), think about how true this speaks for the children we influence. Eric Jensen (2013) explains that "the normalcy bias is a psychological principle we use to predict the future based on the past, regardless of how 'non-normal' it might be. Our experiences, over time, gradually create our norms" (p. 37). After time, especially working with challenging students or students from challenging situations, we start to believe that is "just how they are". And guess what? If that is what we think, then that is what we will get. Or, we can remember research that shows that IQ is not fixed (nor is motivation or behavior) and choose to Raise the Bar for our students and ourselves! Jensen (2013) gives strategies for raising the bar such as reminding students that the learning destination is a certainty. We can say to them "WHEN you master this skill..." and never "IF". We can also help students set mini-goals in which they can experience success so that they continue to persevere to more long-term goals. We can design experiences where students get to taste success and then we acknowledge and affirm these successes early on and often, as we continue to remind them that they will reach their end in mind if they follow their plan. 

One example of "raising the bar" (tossing out the pacifier with a smile on their faces too!) is this sight word bulletin board by the 1st grade classrooms. The 1st grade teachers have definitely begun with the end in mind with this bulletin board. Not only have the teachers provided for opportunities for mini-goal mastery for each student, but they have made public their belief that their students WILL master all 100 sight words. Not only that, but they have sent the message to themselves, their students, and parents that not only do they believe they can learn all 100, but they also believe they can exceed the grade level expectations by learning up to 200 words. I bet that all of these students will master all 100 1st grade sight words and that many will exceed this expectation, as well! (No pressure, ladies;). 

1st sight word bulletin board

So, ask yourself, do you keep plugging the baby with the pacifier because you don't have faith in what will happen if you stop? Have you caught yourself saying anything like, "I can't give them that leadership role, it is too much for them", "That looks too hard for them, I'll give them something they can better handle", or "That STAAR test is so hard, there is no way they will pass."?

Are you allowing your normalcy bias to stop you from setting high expectations for the children in your life (I bet we all do at some point)? If so, I challenge you to identify one way that you will raise the bar for one child in your life. Let's all make a goal to choose to be proactive in our language and believe that if we set the bar high, the children in our lives will rise to the occasion. 

I triple dog-dare you.... throw that pacifier away and do it with a smile and full of hope!

Jensen, E. (2013). Engaging Students with Poverty in Mind: Practical Strategies for Raising Achievement. Alexandria, Virginia: ASCD.