Ever taken the true colors test? If not, just enter into
Google, “free true colors test” and a variety of options will show up. I highly
suggest taking it. My colors are mixed. When I took it before I had kids and
was not in administration, I was half blue and half gold, no other colors. When
I took it again a year or two ago, I was split between blue, gold, and green
and orange was my smallest %. They say (and by “they” I mean I heard once that
in a study…. No true research-based data for you here) that in times of stress,
you revert to your lowest scoring color, but also continually show your “true”
color as well. I am proof of said research.
I have been at Valley Ridge Elementary, my new school, 50/50
and haven’t cried a single time since the day I talked to my staff about my
move. I love the CSE school, staff, students, and parents, but I haven’t had
time or energy to be sad. I even got meaningful thank you notes from people in
between this time and teared when reading them, but nothing extreme. I managed
to hold it all together. THEN, today happened.
My “true blue” and “true orange”, my 2 extremes, hit me over
the past 2 days.
ORANGE- Yesterday, I decided it was a good time to plan for
a “jukebox” challenge and allow my husband to record me doing a really bad
version of a cool dance so that our staff could join me in recording and
enjoying having fun (video to follow at a later date). I was embracing my
creative side and thought I was good until I hit school today. People kept
asking me how I was doing and I tried to hold it together, telling them I was
so good, because I thought I was. I sat through my son’s kindergarten EOY celebration, beaming with pride, then praised
our K-5 students who had 96% or better attendance as they got a Kona Ice Cone. All
was good. Then, the end of day hit, I looked at my to-do list and remembered
that my “big rock” was to get things packed to take to Valley Ridge tomorrow…
In general, I have struggled with identifying my big rocks during this
transition, which is a part of the orange coming through. Okay, it is time to
pack, said the gold in me…
BLUE- First, I took things off of my wall, starting with my 7 Habit frames. The second I did that my room didn’t feel the same. I cried, then
went on. I took down my pictures of my family, which show my children aging
throughout my years at CSE from birth to now. I was feeling pretty darn
depressed at that point, and happened to find my Christmas reindeer antlers…
what better way to get over this than to put on these antlers?!?! Bad idea.
People started walking past my office, which is in the middle of the school
and either 1) ignoring my antlers (which made my laugh/ cry because they didn’t
question it, so us) or 2) stop and ask me, “Rach, you are so funny, why are you wearing
antlers???” I would starting telling them I was wearing them to try to to be
funny/ happy and then started crying mid-sentence, resulting in dripping tears.
Before I knew it, 5-6 of my teachers were hanging out in my office talking
about things that they knew would make me laugh, even though we all had way
better things to do. A reminder of how much I love my teachers.
I checked Jackson out of ESD early because he could hear and
see me moving about and I know he is struggling the same way that I am. I wish
I could post a video of him after that. He ran around the school playing with
his other teacher friends, offering assistance to teachers (even when it isn’t
helpful), requesting to go give his teacher just “one more hug”, giggling while
riding on a flatbed, and the list goes on. And the tears hit again while I
watched him run around with joy… what a special place that has embraced my
child who isn’t always easy and has turned him into a confident leader who can
finally interact with other kids and adults and enjoy learning. I have seen a
complete 180.
The crying continued as I packed things like (just a few
examples)-
1)
2 lighters I found in my top drawer that I
confiscated from students over the past few years and the parents didn’t come
pick them up, giggled also while remembering the stories (innocent ones, I
promise).
2)
Message in a bottle- My 1st year as
AP, when I was pregnant and also covering while our principal was on leave, I
felt defeated in everything I did, what a hard year! Then I received this glass
vase with messages of appreciation from the staff. I have kept them and added
to them every since then. It was so great going through these messages. Every
person should have one of these!
3)
My antlers- Ms. Loyd said, as she say them, “The
new AP better humor me like you do!” Ms. Loyd loves some holiday headgear… I
told her she needs to give the new AP some time to acclimate J
4)
Lysol- Upon finding this, I remembered that I
used to have 3-4 containers. So many funny and smelly memories came to my mind
while thinking about the Lysol, probably non of which are appropriate to share
on the internet.
This list goes on of things I found and stories behind them.
Not only does it make me so sad to leave CSE, but it makes me eager to start at
VRE to start new memories and build more leaders. Together as a Central Zone,
how many leaders can we help students find within themselves? I have seen my own son grow from an anxious,
isolated, and off-task child to one who has friends, enjoys adult interaction
(most of the time), and can say things like, “Mommy, I am so good at math, let
me show you!” I can’t wait to see him grow under other amazing LISD teachers at
VRE. While I could be blue and orange right now, my logic tells me, “Get over
it Rachel, cry, then realize that relationships last a lifetime and new amazing
ones will be created in your new adventures.”
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